Missing You
by MysteronChild
Summary: A letter causes heartache but answers questions for the Tracy brothers. Is this the start of something major in the Tracy camp?
1. The Letter

**Missing You**

**I don't own Thunderbirds and anything associated with them. This is merely my own imagination going overload.**

**This is inspired by Billys Letter in the film Billy Elliot and is also helped along by my own feelings and emotions.**

**This is my first story fic. I would appreciate reviews as i'd love to improve. I'm not the best at writing stories. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Hey John! What ya doing?" Gordon had just entered the room after going for a swim. John was lent of an old leather box, carefully removing contents from inside it.

"Oh, hey Gordy. I've just been searching for something in the store cupboard and I found this box of what looks like Moms things."

"Can I help you look through?" Asked Gordon. He had never asked many questions about his Moms death, but that didn't mean he wasn't interested in her.

The two young men set about sorting through all the things in the box. There were many photos, most of them of herself and the boys on days out. There were other things as well. Lots of letters from when she first met Jeff. Gordon wanted to read them, but John said they were private and not for their eyes to see.

After a while of sorting, John looked up and saw Virgil standing in the doorway. He had a quizzical look on his face that said 'What are you doing?' while he was leaning against the doorframe.

"Do you want to come and have a look Virge?" Said John, "We're just having a sort through some of Moms old things."

Virgil looked at John for a moment and then walked over and knelt near the box. "Where did you find this? I though Dad had all Moms stuff locked out of the way?"

"It was in the back of the store cupboard," Gordon answered. He had been very quiet whilst looking through the box. It had a strange calming effect over him and it was nice to see his sensitive side for once.

Virgil thought about this for a while and then spoke again, "Well, does Dad know that you're looking through it?"

"I didn't want to bother him," said John "He has a lot on at the moment and this would just bring it all back to him. I don't want to be responsible for him falling apart again." John continued nervously.

The three of them sat in silence for a little while, continuing to search through the box. Virgil had found a painting that his Mom had done of himself, John, Scott and Gordon. It was beautiful.

Virgil could remember that day. It was during the Easter break and the boys had been playing football out in the backyard. They promised their Mom they wouldn't get dirty for the painting, but they came in covered in mud, Gordon was almost caked in it. Anyway, they sat for the painting and the finished piece ended up in this box.

Suddenly, John got up. He was clutching a brown envelope in his left hand and his face had turned very pale.

"What is it John?" Gordon asked, "What have you found?"

John held out the envelope to Gordon, with his hand shaking. Gordon looked at the envelope, read the inscription on the front and then looked back at John.

"What is this John?" Virgil asked. Gordon had just passed him the envelope.

John didn't say anything for a moment, then he looked away and said quietly "I think it's a letter from Mom."

"I'll go get the others." Gordon said, dashing out of the room.

John sat down on the sofa and took the letter back from Virgil. He clutched it tight and closed his eyes. Why hadn't their Dad said anything about this before?

At that moment, Scott and Alan walked in.

"I think you should see this." Virgil said, handing the envelope to Scott.

Scott took the envelope and read out loud the inscription of the front "To my darling sons, Scott, John, Virgil, Gordon and Alan. I hope this helps you understand." Scott looked up and for once in his life, he looked scared, "What should we do? Open it? Does Dad know about it?"

"Not yet," said Gordon, "I'll just go and find him."

* * *

A few minutes later Gordon returned with Jeff close behind him.

"What's this I hear about a letter," said Jeff, before looking up and stopping in his tracks. "Where did you find that?" He asked sternly, with the smile on his face fading rapidly. No one replied. "Isn't someone going to explain. John, where did you find that box?"

John looked up nervously. "It was in the store cupboard. Look Dad, this is Moms handwriting, an-and we want to open it," John stammered.

Jeff sighed and put his hands to his face, "I'd been keeping that away until I felt you were all ready to cope. Your Mother wrote that just before...just before she died. You don't need my permission to open it, but I don't want to be here when you do. I'll be in my office." And with that, Jeff left the room.

Silence. They all looked at each other and then Scott spoke, "Well, are we going to open it? John, I think you should. You're the one who found it."

John looked up at Scott and then proceeded to open the envelope. Inside there was a folded piece of paper. John carefully opened it and stared at what was in front of him.

"Well?" said Alan "What is it?" Alan couldn't really remember their Mom. He was too young when the accident happened, but he was very interested in anything to do with her.

John opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He swallowed hard and tried again, "It's a letter. Sh-should I read it?"

"Yes John, please, we all want to hear it." Said Gordon.

John took a deep breath and started to read the letter slowly,

"_To my precious sons,_

_I know I am now in the depths,_

_Of your minds,_

_And that you have all moved on,_

_I'll have missed seeing you grow, _

_Missed your happiness and your tears,_

_And missed all your achievements."_

John stopped and looked up. The other waited patiently for him to continue,

_"Scott, my gorgeous boy,_

_I know you will have done great things,_

_I'll always remember your smiling face,_

_You will always be my first child,_

_That special bond will never be broken,_

_I'll love you forever."_

Scott stood sternly, not wanting to break up in front of his brothers.

_"My blond angel, John,_

_You were always special,_

_I hope you haven't changed,_

_You'll always be my quiet little boy,_

_With the heart of gold,_

_Forever in my heart."_

Tears started to fill Johns eyes and he tried quickly to blink then away and continued reading,

"_For peaceful Virgil,_

_I enclose a kiss,_

_And the hope that your talents live on,_

_I hope you never stopped following your heart,_

_I'll never forget any of the time we spent together,_

_Always my sweet angel."_

Virgil was leaning against a wall, tears running down his face. He would never forget his Mom either,

"_To my sweetest Gordon,_

_I'm sorry I had to leave you so young,_

_I'll have missed you're laughter,_

_And I'll have missed all your mischief making,_

_You always made me smile,_

_Always be yourself."_

Gordon let a weak smile break through the worry that was spread over his face.

Alan sat nervously, knowing the part for him was coming soon,

"_And my dearest Alan,_

_I know you'll have few memories of me,_

_But you need to know I love you so much,_

_I have no doubts that you have grown to be a great person,_

_And that you have reached the limits,_

_But to me you'll always be my darling baby boy._

_I'll always love you all,_

_And even though it seems I'm not here,_

_Please know that I was always with you,_

_And I always will be,_

_I'm so proud of all of you,_

_And what you have achieved."_

At this moment, Johns words became uninterpretable between the sobs and tears. He handed the letter to Scott and sat on the sofa, hiding his face in his hands.

Scott continued to read on,

_"I am proud to have known you,_

_And I'm proud that you were mine,_

_Always follow your dreams,_

_Never give up, even when things get tough,_

_But most important,_

_Always love each other,_

_And never forget each other,_

_I'll never stop loving you all,_

_And I'll always be watching over you,_

_Mum."_

He finished reading and looked up. The room was almost silent, only the crying of 5 young men filled the room.

Scott got them all together into a hug and spoke through the sobs, "We'll never forget you Mom, never. We'll always make you proud. Just don't stop watching over us."

They had all collapsed onto the floor of the lounge. John was crying silently to himself, Gordon and Alan were both asleep, Virgil was reading and re-reading the letter over with it clutched tightly in his hand, and Scott was just starring blankly at the ceiling.

So many memories had been brought back to the surface again. The healing process might as well have start over, but not one of them regretted reading the letter. It was the end of everything. They now knew what their Mom had wanted to say just before she died. It was a close to the heart-wrenching chapter of their lives that had followed them for so many years.


	2. Dimming Eyes

**Ok, originally I wasn't going to take this story any further, but I got inspired. Thanks to the people who reviewed. I've taken your comments on board, they were very helpful.**

**Oh I forgot to mention this story takes place just before International Rescue was formed.

* * *

**

After hours of silent reflection over the letter, one of the brothers eventually spoke.

"I'm going for a swim," said Gordon getting up and leaving the room. Typical of Gordon, if ever anything was on his mind he'd head straight for the pool. Maybe it washed all the worries away.

Alan had left the room some time ago. He was probably off talking with Tin Tin about everything. She was always there for him when he needed to talk.

Virgil, Scott and John were the only ones left in the room now, but there was no noise, only the occasional sniffle.

Scott sat up and observed the fragile figures of his brothers. He knew it would hit those too the hardest. With Virgil being quite sensitive and John being by far the quietest, it was a losing battle when it came to emotions.

Scott put his head in his hands. He didn't know what to say for once...no one did. Should he console his brothers or let them deal with it in their own ways?

He got up and walked over to Virgil, who was still staring blankly at the letter. Scott put his arm around his younger brother and found himself being pulled into a tight embrace.

"Thanks Scott," said Virgil in a small voice.

"For what?" Scott asked puzzled.

"For always being here for me." Scott didn't need to answer this. He new all words would count for nothing, the special bond between the two brothers was all that mattered.

Virgil eventually let go and got up to head for the stairs. Scott presumed that some serious artistry was going to be happening in Virgils room very soon, it was Virgils way of easing away his emotions.

Scott sat for a while and then looked towards John. He was laying face up to the ceiling with his arms spread across the floor. This wouldn't be easy for any of them, but for John...well no one knows. He always kept his feelings to himself and was constantly thinking about things. The reputation of being a dreamer was 100 percent true today. Scott was sure that John was replaying memories over and over again in his mind.

He decided it was best to leave John to it. If he wanted to talk then he would in his own time.

* * *

Dinner that night was a very quiet affair. Jeff didn't ask anything of the letter and the boys didn't mention its existence once.

Gordon and Alan seemed to have got over the letter. It would make sense, as they remembered their mother very little. Gordon was back to his usual loud teasing self. Before dinner, himself and Alan had a brilliant Play station battle in which Gordon had come out the victor, and didn't Alan know it. He was doing his best to rub it in and with every jibe, Alan's pout got ever bigger.

"You ok Virgil?" Scott asked. Virgil nodded in reply, he was baring up ok.

"Where's John?" Jeff asked, the first time he'd spoken all through dinner, properbley to avoid conversation of the letter.

"I'm not sure," said Scott, "I haven't seen him since this afternoon." It was true No one had seen John since Scott had left him laying in the lounge. He'd gone to check on him just before dinner, but he had gone.

"I expect he's in his room," said Gordon.

"Well in future I want you all here. We don't spend enough time together as a family anymore and I don't want one person pulling away from everyone else," Jeff said sternly.

"Dad, don't you think thats a bit unfair? We've all had an emotional afternoon and you know how John is..." Virgil said before being cut off.

"I warned you about reading that letter. I knew it would just drag up all the memories again. John will deal with it on his own and he'll cope...he'll cope like the rest of us have had too." Jeff stopped for a sip of water. Virgil opened his mouth to speak but though better of it. He didn't want to make this any worse than it already was.

Jeff continued, "As far as I'm concerned, we've all moved on. We'll always love your mother and we'll never forget her, but that letter won't bring her back, it just brought everything back to the surface again. I don't want to hear anymore about it. "

The room was stunned into silence. No one knew what to say. They'd not seen him this angry, well frustrated, for a long while. It was a shock.

Virgil stood up from the table, muttered an apology and headed for the stairs. He wasn't about to let John deal with this on his own. John had always been there for him and now it was time for this to be returned.

Virgil walked along the corridor towards John's room and knocked on the door. "John? Are you in there?" he asked nervously. There was no answer so Virgil spoke again, "John, we can help each other through this you know. You don't have to cope alone," still no reply from John. "I'm coming in," Virgil announced.

Slowly, Virgil pushed open the door and then stopped. The sight in front of him sent a cold sweat over his body.

"Oh God, John, what have you done?"


End file.
